Roommates suck [02 Dec 2008|07:07am] [ mood | bitchy ] So my roommate does not know what a close call she had with death last night.  I hate her, she is such a stupid bitch I do not know what possesaed me to room with her.  I am ready to call it quits, 1500 dollars every day seems a lot more worth it.  I figure, it costs more for bail, a good defense attorney, court costs *LOL*  Bound Yourself

[22 May 2008|10:51pm] so i love my mom and all for the most part.  but come on I was told she would be gone at least a year what the hell are they saying she is coming back after only a few months. shheeshh I am not ready to give up my freedom again I like how things are right now, for the most part.  August will not come soon enough for me to move.  course it will then i will be broke and thats not cool but will be free again, maybe  So i love my current class but the instructor is a dick.  seriously if 17 of 17 students do the assignment and each does the assignment very similar would that not mean they all understood the same thing from the assignment instructions.  now if they all had very similar assignments and all 17 were wrong would that not mean that they all misunderstood the assignment and maybe the instructor should reword the instructions or re-explain the assignment or would it really be that all 17 students did not read the assignment at all and all 17 deserve points taken off becaues they are all incorrect.  Come on fuck head wise up and accept the fact that you did not explain the assignment correctly.   Stupid ass people.  I think I am pretty sick of work at best buy,  adore the work, adore the co-workers / friends i have made there but yeah tired of getting the shitty hours like I complained and it changed for a whole like 2 - 3 weeks then went back to the same shit.  It was easy for me to leave TTP because I felt like I was spending more time working then with my child and I am falling back into that same shit again.  One person whines about working every sunday (YET they are unavailable every friday) WTF! ! ! !  so now the last million sundays I have been working and even though my availabilty is not until 3pm it never happens that I come in at 3, there is either a meeting or someone cant work and they need the extra help.  I am whiney I want it all I want the coworkers and work of best buy and the 8 - 5 m-f hours.  Right now BCBS sounds a hellova lot more appealing rare night and weekend work, 40 hours a week and 1 and a half times the pay.  HMMMMMM ya would think it would be an easier decision.  Bound Yourself

[30 Mar 2008|10:46am] wow its hard to believe the month is gone. crazy month. So i have had my camera for like 20ish days now and have only taken like 60 pictures and still am not quite sure how to work it yet. I want a new tv for my bedroom so i can hook up my video games play in there and be able to actually see whats going on on the screen. Bound Yourself

[25 Mar 2008|08:12pm] Okay I know its only tuesday but I am pretty sure I am ready for the weekend. Everyone comes home tonight and the house goes from perfect to shit again. I should be cleaning up for everyone coming home but I really do not feel like it, at the same time I really do not feel like listening to the bitching. hmmm maybe I will flip a coin. I dont want to put rock band back in my room because then I do not play it and I think I like playing it. 4 bounded | Bound Yourself

[23 Mar 2008|11:33pm]  ack damn back button Tomorrow its back to work, I think I want two more days off, I needed more time to do nothing but video games and drinking.  Today was a pretty damn good day.  Bound Yourself

random shit [22 Mar 2008|01:01am] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | complete silence ] very random day.  Heavenly Sword rocks it may make it to be my fav. video game.  So making the best out of a shitty weekend.  I think I am going to forever be pissy about how this weekend is not going how it was planned.  Sometimes I question myself for keeping myself in this situtation.  I just do not think it will ever work out how I want it to.  SO random stuff.  I kept my lunch plans just not with the person they were originally meant for.  I took Josh to lunch at Yamatos sometimes it can be nice hanging out with him if the other 90 percent of the time he wasnt a complete dipshit I think he would be my fave sibling.  quiet house drinking and playing video games is not bad.  I miss the kid but I am getting to do things I can not normally do which is somewhat nice.  Went to a place downtown with Dani, a bit odd but not bad not sure I will visit there often for the most part men dancing around in their bikini underwear does nothing for me but watching them dance was a bit entertaining, and the beer was ice cold and thats all that really matters right.  So since I am not having all sorts of awesome sex like originally planned I stopped by the toy store on my way home.  First time in this one, first time in one in this state added new toys to my collection woot cant wait to um try them out *weg* so a very random day and tomorrow I will do it all over again just not exactly the same.   Yay for sex stores, and empty house and porn  i <3 porn  Bound Yourself

Completely Random Crap [18 Feb 2008|11:13pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Panic! at the Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies ] Completely random crap Aim wanted to update, I got tired of the pop up annoying me begging me to allow it so I gave it the go ahead and I swear AOL tried to take over my computer. I then realized I have seriously failed at the goal I had set for myself 10 years ago. I am almost 31, which means I am about to be no longer 30 which means I failed in my quest to completely eradicate AOL *sighs* So I swear the only thing that was wrong with this computer before I purchased a new one was the hinges on the screen. Everything else about it was fine. I get my new one it funks up right away and I take it back now the funking keyboard on this one is misbehaving on top of the hinges. Grah So when deciding to go back to school I wanted to start off full time, but it just could not happen financially, it did happen for part time and I swore as soon as I could go full time I would, So OCT i get approved for a loan that can allow me to go full time, I am excited buy I cant go the fall quarter because of well some reasons. So I get it all set to go the winter quarter. So I swear as soon as I start I start getting tons of hours at work (which is good for my bank account, but bad for school) Hours at work are kind of funky leaving no real time to dedicate the 6 bazillion hours required by the school per class. So I wait it out end up getting a B in one of my courses (insert dramatic sigh) and then go back to part time. As soon as I get my schedule worked out at school work hours drop to a little more then half of what they have been and the hours now allow for a full time class schedule but not its too late to change it ... WTF eh? Oh well more time to play on my PS3 (ahyeah) So my music detection has decided it is no longer going to work with my semagic *blah* yay fixed it. So I need a new PC ... soon ... damn keyboard So yay I get to get up in a few hours to drive 2 *#&@N hours to the airport and pick my dad up... have i ever mentioned how much i hate mornings! 21 more days ... *sighs* 1 bounded | Bound Yourself

[10 Oct 2007|08:28pm] I feel completely uncomfortable in my skin again. I miss the confidence and cockiness I had as a boi. weird eh. 3 bounded | Bound Yourself

[10 Oct 2007|08:26pm] If you got to this journal by going through boinamedzakk let me know if your not already on the friends list so I can add you. Bound Yourself

falling [27 Aug 2007|10:37pm] its like a never ending drop, no bottom, and falling fast, then all of a sudden there is something there and you hit it and it brings you back to the top where you originally started falling from, and it starts again. the cycle is vicious and to a degree ... painful ... i need to plant my feet firm, somewhere, to keep from falling. 6 bounded | Bound Yourself

starting school [27 Jun 2007|04:32pm] As the start date gets closer I am starting to have mini panic attacks. Mainly i keep thinking what if i fail *UGH* 1 bounded | Bound Yourself

[13 Apr 2007|12:18pm] refer to yesterdays post Bound Yourself

[12 Apr 2007|12:14pm] blah .... that about sums it all up Bound Yourself

[08 Apr 2007|09:14pm] I am too full, i ate to much today. graon ... the puppy is doing so good, though i think he got to use to being covered when he barked, he likes being covered at night, and he likes me to "make his cage" that is getting old fast, i dont even like making my bed. 1 bounded | Bound Yourself

[07 Apr 2007|07:55am] i dont know what to write about, I wish i had a list to go off of for times of brain deadness *lol* 1 bounded | Bound Yourself

[05 Apr 2007|10:22pm] [ mood | slightly confused ] i am finding it hard to think of something to think on. october road is on its my new fav. show. I keep thinking on the conversation earlier, I am torn between your initial reaction and the end result. I sit feeling like banging my head against the wall, which should i really chose, should i go with the initial reaction and jus say it is what it is and i am what i am and decide that is what it should be because it is what you desire from me. or do i go with the end result which only came after my not wanting to accept the initial reaction. we are so different in some areas. 1 bounded | Bound Yourself

[04 Apr 2007|01:26am] It is funny how things change when you take the time to find yourself. No one changed me from boi to girl. it was a process that happened on its own. Some people are shocked by the change, others could see it all along. I was shocked by the change it was the las t thing that I had ever expected and i questioned all the time why and how i could let it happen. I have recently come to the realization that I was so self conscious about myself my looks my body, everything that should make up me, that I hid behind what I thought I should be to give me the confidence to be something, someone. I felt it was more acceptable for myself to be a boi because of how i looked, how i liked video games, how i was always a tom boy growing up, how i liked sports, and unusual animals and such, but even though i thought it was who i was suppose to be I dont think I was every really 100 percent happy with it. So stepping back taking the time for myself and just allowing me to just be, not to pull or push one way or the other, but to just ... go with the flow, I have found more self confidence in myself my appearance, my thoughts, feelings, actions, and not fight one way or the other. Having done that I have learned, my feet like to be free my toes like to have paint on them, my hair is pretty long, my face will not fall off if i wear makeup (and it looks pretty good on) jeans are still comfy when they fit tightly, shirts can be form fitting and i can still move, heels are not a form of evil foot torture (okay well they are but i am a masochist so whats it really matter) and I can look like this, like this girly girl, and i can play my video games, catch lizzards, frogs, snakes and it has nothing to do with my outward appearance. 3 bounded | Bound Yourself

[03 Apr 2007|08:21am] thought for the day, caught in a catch 22 ... I keep thinking about this, everytime i lay down at night, when i am just in an idle state during the day i think about how badly i need a job, and I know what the issue is and I have ... i must get over it, for a while i thought i was doing so good but i was still in my comfort zone. I have to get a job, which means i have to put myself out there, which means i have to meet new people and that is where the problem is. I know it is something i have to talk to a professional about but here is the catch to talk to a professional means i have to meet someone new and talk to them. This is where I have issues and I dont understand it, i really have to talk myself into it and usually only in times of extreme desperation can i make myself do it. I feel stupid for not being able to do it and I dont even know what it is that makes it so, i just think about going to a new place the staffing agency the job interviews, the temp jobs and it instills a panic inside me, this fear not even sure what it is a fear of just a general fear a general panic and i dont know how to push myself past it. I do not want to get to the point of desperation but i am getting there slowly. I need to figure this out. Bound Yourself

[02 Apr 2007|10:52pm] Invalid video URL. Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™ Bound Yourself

[02 Apr 2007|09:34am] ahh peace and quiet at last, company is gone, the house is back to normal. It was great the puppy slept all night again. It reminds me of when the kid started sleeping through the night. such a happy time. I am finding it hard to find things to reflect upon. 1 bounded | Bound Yourself

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